Our First Bengali Wedding

Last night, the four of us took a trip with Father Joe Paul to Simna, a village just about an hour from Agartala, to attend our first Bengali wedding. Aja, Ellen, and I dressed in salwar kameez, typical Indian tunic and pant dress, and the five of us presented the bride with a pot, which we picked up on the ride there, as our wedding gift. The wedding was for the sister of one of the teachers at the village school, who we had befriended this past week. Indian wedding invitations are not nearly as exclusive as those in America. We were extremely excited to have been offered the experience of attending a Bengali wedding so, we graciously accepted the invitation. The wedding was to take place at the house of the bride's parents.

The drive to the wedding was beautiful, passing through numerous tea farms and rubber tree orchards. At one point in the journey, we encountered a portion of land extremely close to Bangladesh and commonly called, “No Man's Land”. This land is neither the territory of India nor Bangladesh and it sits as an unclaimed piece of this world. Upon entering “No Man's Land”, from a border guard, we received a token with the number "5" (representing the number of individuals present in the vehicle) and then drove through this unclaimed land for approximately one mile until we bumped into Indian territory. At this point, we returned our token to the guard and were allowed back into the country of India. It was a very interesting and strange experience because prior to this road trip, I was unaware that there were significant portions of land in the world that have yet to be claimed.

The wedding itself was such a joyous celebration for everyone involved, except the bride. This young bride (no older than 18) was unaware that she was going to be marrying a man until she was told one week ago. I know that I must remain respectful to the culture in which I voluntarily threw myself into; however, the entire process of arranging marriages in India is a concept with which I cannot seem to grasp. There are people in this country who spend their entire professional careers as, “Marriage Brokers”. These individuals are hired by families with children, who are of marriage age (typically females are 18 and males are 21), and they seek out potential husbands and wives in nearby villages based on age, family name reputation, horoscopes, education, income, etc. In America, it is fairly standard to attend a wedding full of love, beauty, and with an overall joyous atmosphere for every individual involved. I am fairly confident that the majority of young females in India presented with an arranged marriage, are quite upset to be forced upon a husband and faced with the concept of leaving their home and family forever. Let's be honest, who would find that predicament appealing?

Upon arriving at the brightly lighted entrance to the wedding festivities, we were treated with such respect and it was quite apparent that family and friends were honored to have Americans attend the wedding. We had an amazing meal with extreme variety including, rice, chicken, paneer (milk/cheese tofu), goat (yes, I did in fact eat goat!), fried fish, fish head curry, dahl (lentil soup), some sort of sweet and sour drink with anise (I chose to avoid this dish...), and desserts both before and after the main course. We had our own private dining area with about ten caterers waiting on us and snapping photographs of the Americans from time to time. I am sure that I will become used to the fact that, as Americans, we will continuously receive a different level of respect here in India, but as for now, I feel as if I am experiencing such a surreal and exciting life.

After the meal,we sat in the tented room in which the marriage ceremony will take place later in the evening. We did not stay for the ceremony, as it is not important for invited guests to attend this portion, but we did receive an explanation of the many different sections of the room. In the front, there was a intricately decorated gazebo in which the actual marriage would take place. In the back of the room, a new bed, surrounded by gifts, was assembled for the couple's “first night”. In between the two sections, guests were socializing, dancing was taking place with a small Indian band accompanying music from time to time (see the attached video), and various rituals were apparent. Soon after we received insight on a typical Bengali wedding, it was time to present our gift to the bride, who we had yet to see. We entered her room and collectively noticed her depressed and saddened state. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying and all she was capable of was a simple head bow in appreciation for our gift. Her brother, the teacher from the tribal school, insisted that we take a picture with her, although it felt extremely uncomfortable for us (the picture is posted in this entry). This young girl was being forced into a loveless marriage and taken away from her family. I had to fight back tears because through my American eyes, I still saw a child. We expressed our feelings to Father Joe Paul (we joke that he is our Dad here in India and Moukta, our cook, is our Mom) and he said that, in the Hindi religion, it is quite typical for the bride to feel depression and fear on her wedding day. The majority of Hindi marriages in India are arranged, but some love marriages do exist, depending if the family accepts the son or daughter's spouse choice. The four of us will continue to be invited to weddings throughout the year and I hope that we experience at least one love marriage. It will be interesting to witness the difference between the two types. Even though I was emotionally bothered by the arranged marriage concept, it was great to be able to experience yet another element of this culture that is far outside my comfort zone.

On a side note... I received my class schedule and will begin teaching this week! I will be responsible for 6th, 7th, and 8th grade English Language classes along with 7th and 8th grade Moral Science classes (a combination of Psychology and Sociology). I met some of my students today at our Holy Cross School welcoming ceremony and I look forward to a weekly routine of teaching!